Wednesday, February 15, 2012

truth is...

The truth is, I love you.
You know I do.
I know you know I do.
You just choose not to see it. 

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Sky

Sky never fails me.
That I know for sure now.

In tough times when I think that the whole world is crumbling down and all I can do is watch and weep, the sight of the sky never fails me.

There's always something graceful about the sky. 


The way the clouds spread in the open sky from one end to another with striking grace. 

As if it's telling you that you are blessed to be able to witness such beauty around you, and that you are loved, and protected.

And with such grace and greatness, how can you doubt it?

When I feel bored or too stressed out at the office, I'd just take a short break at the cafe or simply sitting next to a nearest window, watching the afternoon sky that, luckily, most of the time is filled with burst of clouds (in rainy season, the sight is even better. I can see the gloomy yellowish grey sky from behind droplets on the window).

Sometimes I wish if I could just spend the whole day sitting next to my window, staring at the sky.

There will be days when I got out of the office feeling dreadful, and I know, all I need to do to make the two hours commuting trip bearable is to look at the sky.

To get amazed by its vastness, to greet the clouds and their beautiful colors in late afternoon.

I'd soon realize that there really isn't much to complain about, because the universe is beautiful and kind, and its grace soothes any wounded soul.

*All pictures were taken and edited using my android mobile phone

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

My Reading Journal

So, aside from writing my relentless mind out here, I also share about books.

You can visit my other blog rakbukucoklat, basically a journal about the books that I have read, or about reading itself.

My latest entry was about Julia Cameron's Sound of Paper and Murakami's A Wild Sheep Chase.

I really wish I can be committed and consistently writing at least one review per week (not that I'd be able to finish reading one book per week, but I have read so many books and only managed to make no more than five reviews _ I know, such an achievement).

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

on the success of small things

I was sitting on a commuter bus stuck in a traffic jam right in front of office buildings and malls when my eyes caught a sight of a woman walking alone on the pavement. There's actually nothing special about her. She's just one of the busy people in the crowd leaving the office building, heading to somewhere on that late afternoon. She wore a black, long, jacket with belt on the waist, a black trousers and a black stiletto shoes, and carried a black leather suitcase. Well maybe that's one thing that I found rather unusual. Her appearance was rather different than the usual pretty career woman with colorful dress and matching bags or shoes. She looked very professional and smart. And at that late cloudy afternoon in Jakarta, she walked alone out of the office building, carrying her leather suitcase, walking to the electronic store nearby. Probably she went there to buy a modem, or a memory stick, or an external hard disk. Or perhaps she just went there to buy a cup of coffee from the coffee shop at the ground floor of the store.

I'd never know because by the time she entered the building my bus has turned to another direction.

But I kept thinking about her. She reminds me of a picture of a sucessful career woman my parents used to have years ago. Smart dressed and powerful, enjoying her time alone at her early thirties, going to the bookstore or a cafe, spending her money the way she likes and  going home at whatever hours she felt comfortable after roaming around the luxurious malls.

To be honest, the enjoying her time alone part probably belong to my imagination, not my parents.

But that was also pretty much the way I had pictured success when I was a kid.

Now after reminiscing the past days I realized that it never crossed my mind that there were other people out there, working as journalists, photographers, dancers, painters, florists, owner of a small bookshops, owner of a small coffee shops, owner of a small music school, people devoted their lives for less tangible things. I am very sure I have came across those people during my adolescence years, but somehow, it never occurred to me that these people work. And succeeded. It seems I had never gave them a thought, and nor did my parents. Or most parents, I suppose.

Recently, I had a conversation with a few colleagues and it got me thinking how success has always been associated with being in a high position in a big corporation. While admiring some people who actually have reached that high position at a very young age, I can't help but wonder what is wrong with living a simple, modest life?

If I have the opportunity, I'd choose to work in a small book shop, in a place that's far from the crowd and noise of the city chaos.

I think this is where the saying 'money is the means not the goals' comes in.

I'd still be needing a constant flow of money to be able to enjoy my quiet life as after my work in the small book shop. But that would be the furthest role money has in my life: a facilitator for me to be able to enjoy life the way I want. The way I want to enjoy life might be different from other people, and it is a very subjective measurement. And this, I think, is where the saying 'money is never enough to satisfy you' comes in. No matter how much money you have, it won't be enough, not if you keep wanting more and more. It's a matter of knowing your limit, and a willingness to live life in its essence.

Again, this is me. Other people might think that it's important to have many other things they don't have yet right now and really, I don't want to judge. Some people do need the things they want to have, some others simply just want to have the things for the sake of having it. I'm learning to be very careful now not to confuse the two.

But I just think it's important to revisit the picture of success that we have.

Some people are made for big things, destined to walk around the earth with sophisticated dress and glossy shoes entering a high rise building, meeting important people, dealing with big scenarios of the nation. I admire them. All the efforts they made to be where they are now, all the time they spent working hard to achieve the sophisticated life that they want. They deserve it and I believe they have a significant contribution to this world.

But there are also some people that are made for smaller things, or rather, less glossy things. These people might not in a high position, might not be a part of a big corporation or organization. They don't have glossy shoes and leather bag. They don't work in a high rise building working on big scenarios involving big money for the nation or a corporation owns the nation or probably even owns half of the world. Or they probably working on a big scenario for the nation but instead of glossy shoes and leather bag, they probably carry a backpack, roaming around the remote islands in this country, wearing casual outfit and rubber sandal. Or they might not be involved at all in a big scenario of the nation. They probably live their life from day to day taking care of flowers, or making beautiful hand crafts to be sold, or teaching little kids singing at local schools, and going to the traditional market every late afternoon to buy food and vegetables and cook for their families. Probably smaller things, but just as significant as the big things.

They are the hands behind the colors you see at the florist or someone else's garden. They are the hands behind the laughter of the children studying on a rundown building of local schools. They are the hands behind the full stomach and burps you might hear on the family dining room. They are the hands behind the small beauties in the world. Small, but not less significant.

I just think, that these people, also need to be recognized of creating a meaningful life, despite what the society defines about success.

They might have the capability to rise above others and speed their way to the highest position in an important company or organization, but they choose the smaller role in life because that's what they want, because there's where their heart lies. There are nothing wasted about them. They are people devoting their life for their passion, for the good of others, far away from the spotlight but working as hard as those who are under it. I think they need to be recognized for their courage to live their truth no matter how unimpressive those things are.

Absolutely nothing wasted about them.