the day of sighing

They said the things you do while procrastinating, are probably the things you're supposed to do for the rest of your life.




This is absolutely the day of sighing for me.


My chest felt so heavy and I'm feeling like I could break at anytime and cry myself out. I couldn't get rid of that certain thought no matter how deep I drown myself into the works I'm doing. Every now and then the feeling gets too heavy and I'd usually sigh, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes in purpose, to ease my breath a little. I don't really know what it does to my chest, but sighing actually helps it felt a bit lighter, for a brief short moment, before the heavy feeling came back and clench my chest again.


I couldn't stop sighing today. 


I know how annoying it may sound, especially to people in this cubicle, and I really wish I could do something else. Though I always think of sighing as one of the mechanisms to release the negative energy within you, I also believe that to some extent, it affects people around you. The negative energy I release by sighing, transferred to other people nearby. 


I tried to write.
Nothing really came out anyway. Nothing except for these nonsense blabbers.


....


Never before I feel such a feeling that makes me want to exercise like crazy. Maybe I should find some jog tracks or running track somewhere and run and run, run like crazy until I run out of breath. 


I stopped sighing by the time I finished writing this.
I just took a deep sigh, inhaling breath as deep and as much as I can, and exhaling it through my mouth. It helps. And it's soundless. Much safer for everyone.

......*




*that should be read as another blank state of mind*