suffocated

In the middle of developing a slide, which supposed to be an extract of pages of pages of interview notes. 

Such a paradox.

Developing something by squeezing something.

I'm talking nonsense again.

I'm feeling this gut-wrenching emotions again.

Overwhelmed and suffocated.

Yet I type, and talk, and smile, and laugh, and respond to the world.

Normally.

Normal is overrated.

I'm saying it again.

Normal is overrated for its tendency to rip your heart while struggling for normality in the middle of this overwhelming situation

Normal is overrated for its ability to shut you up and plaster a mask on your face while you're actually yearning to scream and shout and cry your heart out and crawl on the ground and sob and suffocate yourself to be able to free yourself from this overwhelming emotion.

Normal. I just can't be. Not now.

I need to cry. Curl myself on the bed under the blanket and cry. And cry. And cry.

Yet I respond to the world. Normally.

5.04 pm, during office hours, because I couldn't stand it anyomore.